I spent a day or two playing around with some new recording software (and hardware!) to put this Roadrunner-y riff together & then I couldn’t find any good Missed Connections to play it with. So I figured I’d dig out this old classic that I’d been meaning to make a song out of for forever, but was always kind of put off by the length of it. Now that I had this music endlessly looping in the background, doing the vocals was a snap! (OK, so maybe it took several takes, but anyway…)
If you haven’t heard the *original* Dimitri tapes, you’ll probably want to “check it out” sometime soon. Thanks to Aaron for transcribing it all!
(Please note also the official Never Said Nothing FAIL SNAILS, which are new to the page! I’ve put these here while I’m figuring out what to do about replacing the music player that used to be over there, and because they’re snails, you won’t expect them to be going away anytime soon.)
Yea, hi there Olga itās Dimitri….
Message 1:
Sorry I had to leave such a rushed message with you, ah, when we ah, met the other day. I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number and I had to get the heck out of the area. I figured I better leave you a more detailed message and, uhm, explain why I approached you. I am single. I have no trouble meeting women; I mean women approach me six / seven times a day. But Iām very particular about what I like. Youāre extremely elegant. I couldnāt take my eyes off of you and your friends were very jealous. Even if they say they werenāt, they were envious of the fact that I approached you, and I was very taken by you. Elegant women are very rare, Iām Greek, and Iām very particular about what I like. So, Iām giving you an opportunity here. I donāt know if you pick up the messages on the weekend, but Iām working on a movie script so Iām pretty much around all weekend doing that. I left you my number; 416-918-XXX4. This looks like a land line, and if it is you may not get the message ātil Monday, but when you do call me, and weāll get together for coffee and chat and, eh, let the romance begin. You looked very taken aback by my approach and I hope that isnāt timidness. I hope it was just a little bit of, ah, shock at being approached so, uhm, directly, ah, because I donāt really date timid women, because Iām a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man and I want a woman who is very independent and, ah, strong. So, ah, anyway weāll talk about that but I just wanted to formally introduce myself. Now I have. I leave the ball in your court. You call me as soon as you, ah, have the courage to. Okay Olga? Talk to you soon. Bye.
Message 2:
Hi there Olga, itās Dimitri calling again, the guy from the street. I left you a message several days ago. You said you were interested. Now, hereās the way I work; I donāt like leaving second messages, but I like you. Youāre a very elegant woman, youāre very attractive, but, you know, I donāt play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls; youāre playing games like you see in stupid TV shows. So hereās how itās going to work; it is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now, Iāll assumeā¦.Iāll assume that youāve already left work, ācause you some people leave early and Iāll grant you that. But if I do not receive a phone call back from you by 3 oāclock Thursday afternoon, Iām no longer interested and you can erase my number. I donāt play games like that. Iām completely single, Iām very intelligent, Iām great in bed, I make great money; believe it or not Iām a complete catch. Iāve only been single 4 months. I had a long distance relationship, you know, went a year; its very difficult to maintain it like that and it didnāt work out. Thereās nothing wrong with me. Matter of fact Iām one of the few men in the city who has nothing wrong with him. So, Iām giving you the 3 oāclock deadline. I donāt hear from you, you lose my number. Iām erasing yours right now, so you wonāt be hearing back from me. So thatās it, 3 oāclock tomorrow or you can just completely forget it. Now I understand if youāve got other issues, like maybe youāre not playing games; maybe youāve had, I dunno maybe you were abused in childhood, maybe your mother has cancer / youāre going to chemo, maybe youāre just a person whoās extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder, maybe youāre on some medication for that, I dunno. There could be another issue that Iām not aware of. But, nobody says ācall meā, hands a person a business card and then doesnāt return calls. Itās extremely passive-aggressive. You should actually look that up; passive-aggressive personality disorder. And, you let me know; if youāve got issues, psychological issues, if youāre on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression ā Iām not interested. Okay? But if youāre psychologically normal, and you havenāt called me because thereās been some horrible thing thatās happened in your life which prevented you, thatās fine. But otherwise, donāt call me. Okay? Bye.